9 Races Down, 1 to Go!

The Bronx Half Marathon

The adventure that was this race was not so much the race itself, but GETTING to the race! There is no parking in the Bronx. None. I ended up parking 1.5 miles from the start and began a long hike, all the while needing the bathroom very, very badly, but all the stores were closed because it was 6:00 AM!

While hiking, I suddenly hear my name being called! It's a friend from the neighborhood, heading towards the race. I hop in the car and he gets me to the start, and by now, the need for the facilities is an emergency. I get in the porta-potty line, but it's 25 deep, and I'm not going to make it.

I always have TP with me, and I start looking for cracks in fences around the rail yards, hoping for some luck. Then I spot an apartment building, run over, and beg the doorman to let me use a bathroom. He obliges. Pshew!

Now the race:

My goal for the day was 2:10, or 10:00 per mile. Anything less would be unacceptable. Anything better would be gravy. If I was doing well, my goal would be 2:03:50, or 9:30 per mile. If I was doing really, really well I'd hope for 2:00, and if I was doing really, really REALLY well, I'd gun for 1:57, or 9:00 per mile.

Miles 1-7 I rotated between 8:10s, 8:30s and 8:50s, depending on the duration of the looooooooong uphills and my waterstop breaks.

Miles 8-13 I all kept under 9:47. At mile 9, I looked at the clock and thought to myself, "Hey, I could take a nap on the asphalt right now and still come in WAY under 2:10! I gotta MAKE something of this!" So despite an uphill, I ran mile 10 25 seconds faster than mile 9.

At mile 13 I spotted Mariska Hargitay on the sidelines (Detective Benson on L&O:SVU), which was interesting.

Then the music started and the cheering got going and my legs picked up (And I thought "Where you all been till now? It's lonely out there!") and I vroomed over the finish line at 1:58:17, 9:02 per mile. My fastest 1/2 marathon in 3 years. I did the first half in 57 minutes, the second half in 61 minutes. No blisters or physical fatigue. I am becoming the machine I want to be. I'm in good shape, and am going to have a great marathon in November.

P.S. I'm now over 200 miles for the year.

I did the 100!

For the past 8 weeks I've been partaking in a 6 week program with the goal of grinding out 100 consecutive pushups: http://www.hundredpushups.com/

This morning I did it! I did it! I did the 100! Woohoo! I tore a few abdomen muscles grinding out the last 20, but I did it! I am strung like bool! Hoo-wah!

I get a special badge too. Ain't it neat?:

Report from My (and the) 1st Ever Jrunners Relay Race

In my running career so far, I have run 14 marathons, 12 half marathons and 131 races in total covering 1028.8 miles.

Absolutely none of them – none! – could come close to the excitement, fun, energy and butterfly-inducing frenzy that was the 1^st annual Jrunners Relay Race that took place on July 28-29, 2010.

My involvement began when every human being I’ve ever met alerted me via every method of communication man ever devised (yes, including smoke signals and carrier pigeons – their extinction notwithstanding) that there was this relay race being run in the summer from Prospect Park to the Catskills.

One of the organizers contacted me as well. His pitch was something like, “So we have this race –“ to which I responded, “I’m in!”

Okay, it was slightly more complicated than that, naturally, but I was in after allaying my security and safety concerns.

The months leading up to the race were spent recruiting, fundraising and doing my usual marathon training. The mile totals for my proposed three legs fell perfectly in line for where I was in training distance - minus the hills of course - but nonetheless in perfect parallel with my training.

Fast forward to the expo which took place two days before the race, which was an exciting experience in itself! It was awesome to meet fellow runners, reacquaint myself with old friends, get motivated and as a bonus, to stand on the spot where my office used to be more than a decade ago when the club we were in was a company I worked for called Econophone.

I met my teammates, and we split ourselves up into Team A and Team B. The plan was for team A (me, Jonathan, Ariel, Martin [no, not me] and Mordechai [no, not me]) to be the sprinters and for Team B (Avi, Roy, Yaacov, Avrumy, Nuchem) to be the haulers. Team A would establish leads, Team B would maintain as they conquered the hills.

That night, I could barely fall asleep. My eyes popped open at 3 AM and stayed that way until I rolled out of bed at 5. I felt queasy and lightheaded and my stomach was grinding and butterflying. Basically, my typical pre-marathon jitters. Needless to say, I was nervous and exCITED!

The above was the same for the next evening. I barely got any sleep. Butterflies are annoying for even just a half hour. They’re downright torture when they last more than two days!

I spent pre-race day at work, entirely distracted, and exhibiting a case of restless leg syndrome such that the DSM IV has never seen. It was so severe that a colleague passing by my cube actually said, “Hey bouncy! Take it easy, will you?”

At quittin’ time, I ran out of there like I heard the classroom bell, shuttled and trained and bused to my mom in Brooklyn, got dressed, had a protein-and-carb rich dinner and zoomed off to Prospect Park for the start. Before heading in to the park, my mom cautioned me – as she always does – to begin with my right foot. Will do, Mommy.

The two hours before the race were spent in a frenzy of activity, loading up RVs with supplies, getting race numbers, receiving instructions, listening to dignitary speeches, meeting more friends I haven’t seen in years, confirming leg assignments, and all the time, without end, trying to shake off the nervous energy and butterflies wrecking my system. The only cure for this? Running.

So at 9:16 PM, we were off. Team A jumped into the car and sped off to the first exchange. Team B jumped into the RV and rumbled off to the first major exchange in Fort Lee to rest up and switch with us when we arrived.

All cars got there ahead of their Leg 1 runners and handed off smoothly. Jonathan came off the bridge, slapped the identifying bracelet onto my wrist and I was off like I was shot out of a cannon (yes, I started with my right foot). I hightailed it down Chambers Street and hit a red light on the West Side Highway, so up and over the bridge I went. When I set foot on the highway and began sprinting North, I suddenly realized that the humidity was seriously affecting me. The air was simply not comfortable to breath.

My stomach was killing me, and I was slowing down and the air felt like tangible friction and at 46^th St, at the Intrepid, I came to a stop. I had a Tums in my pocket, swallowed it, guzzled some water, breathed rhythmically, and picked it up again at 49^th, keeping the jets going until I hit the exchange at 59^th and handed over to Martin. At that point, we were in fifth place.

At the next exchange, Martin rolled in at second place position, displaying a confident stride as he rambled up. The stride is emphatic, and looks like he’s punching a wall. He possibly wastes considerable, valuable energy this way, but it does look cool and confident.

Martin handed to Mordy, who suffered through the humidity and brought us into 1^st place, empathizing with me about the disgusting humidity.

At that point, some news hijinks reached the runners. One Jrunner had gone over the Manhattan Bridge by accident and cabbed back to exchange 1. Another team’s second leg runner wilted in the heat and the first leg runner completed the second leg as well!

While everyone discussed amongst themselves, we hightailed it to the first major exchange, had some food, listened to some music, checked on each other’s conditions, when Ariel came motoring in, having climbed some serious hills to get here and maintain first. His performance was so impressive that I dubbed him Alpine (one of the G.I Joes I had as a kid was a mountain climber named Alpine).

We switched into the RV, Team B hopped into the car, and off we both went.

We didn’t sleep a wink in the RV, as the excitement was contagious and palpable and the Jrunners sign on the side of the RV kept clunking in the wind.

At the second exchange, Team B rolled in last, having suffered some mishaps. One of our guys vomited and another developed back-spasms. Ouch. We were 33 minutes behind second-to-last place. No problem. They were hurtin’, but we were supportin’.

Team A in the car now, team B in the RV. Alpine kept climbing, Jonathan kept it steady, Martin punched emphatically. I ran through the rain and was nearly assaulted by two deer. It took me a few minutes to get my heart rate back down. I also ran past a dead deer, and was nearly tripped up by several bullfrogs (as was Jonathan, who actually had to skip over one!).

While I was out there, Mordechai yelled from the car that Nachum Segal just mentioned my FaceBook posts on his radio show. I thought he was kidding and was just trying to motivate me, but I learned it was the truth. Cool. I also learned that my pre-NYC marathon salt bagel routine was mentioned (correction, I have my salt bagel intra-Marathon, which I get from my mom at mile 4.7). Interestingly, I was mentioned on JM in the AM last year when my name was brought up as part of TeamOhel when Nachum asked who was the most seasoned marathoner on the team. Perhaps one day I’ll get to speak for myself.

Mordechai then braved the rain and the route 17A hills before we were all called back to Monsey in the face of lightning up ahead and for a very necessary breakfast before continuing. Upon completion of his leg, Team A had sliced 15 minutes off the lead time of the next team ahead of us.

For breakfast I had french toast and eggs and tuna and bagels and veggies and fruit and coffee and orange juice and apple juice. Ahhhhhhnumnumnumnumnum!

Team B in the car. Team A in the RV. We were so exhausted, we all actually managed to catch a few winks.

Team B was on some serious hills at this point, grinding through. One of them hurt his knee, but finished his leg with moxie and we designated Alpine to run his final leg for him. Alpine is 5”7’, 128 lbs of true grit.

At exchange point 20 we switched up again, still in last place, but not lacking for pride. Team B tackled monster hills, including leg 16, which had a 500 foot ascent that lasted for a mile. Fear-inducing, but they made it.

Team A took over and skipped over mountains, leaped over hills (get the reference?), but at this point, it was smack in middle of the risen, scorching sun of the day. To keep each other cool, we sped ahead of each runner with the car, jumped out and dumped cold water on them as they passed.

The first two legs worked so quickly up the hills that we gained 13 minutes on the next-to-last team.

As Alpine climbed through mile 22, a lady stepped out of her house as he motored past and asked if she could make a donation. Now that was nice.

I took leg 23. The elevation chart showed a slight uphill and mostly downhill. This was the only elevation chart that was wrong. It was uphill most of the way, but I never stopped. At one point I took a right turn 2/10ths of a mile out of my way, but the Jrunners support crew corrected me, and I ran an extra 4/10ths and many extra hills as a result, but I kept repeating the mantra “Tougher than pain, tougher than pain” and I completed my leg and handed off. I gave it everything, everything. I emptied the tank, all of it.

At exchange 25, my Aba came to fetch me, as I had a wedding to go to in Brooklyn. I hugged my teammates and wished them well and felt like a heel for bailing, but I had to go.

At the wedding, I promptly fell asleep in my soup. Almost literally, I am not kidding. A schnorrer poked me in my shoulder as I was dozing, and he said, "It's not so bad, it'll be ok.”

I stayed in touch with my team throughout. Alpine and Mordechai took over portions of legs for our hurt team B comrades and ran beside them for support. Warriors all. They crossed the finish line with power, pride and passion two hours behind first place.

In the end, Team 3 embodied the words of the great Steve Prefontaine, who said, “A lot of people run a race to see who is fastest. I run to see who has the most guts.”

We were not the fastest, but we had the most guts.

I was with them in spirit at the end and hope to be with them in the flesh next year.

And may the person we ran for, Menachem Mendel ben Gella, be strong and be well.

-Mordechi (Martin) Bodek, runner 2, Legs 2, 14, 23, Team A of team 3, AKA El HeHarim.

Finished Another Book!

The Checklist Manifesto, by Atul Gawande - An excellent discussion for a proposed resolution to a major problem. Gawande's style is very Gladwellian. He posits the lowly checklist to the reader as a solution and sells and sells the point with numberous quick digestible examples. Fascinating though, is what he and Gladwell attribute flight heroism to. Gladwell says it's training and decision making. Gawande says its procedure. Calls to mind another Gladwell "argument" with Steven Levitt about the crime drop in the 90s. Gladwell says it's the "broken windows" phenomenon, Levitt says Roe vs. Wade averted the birth of criminals. These debates, and this book, are absolutely fantastic

My London Aufruf Speech

My aufruf speech was my first real attempt at standup. Yes, I've spoken before and naturally I've tried to be funny, but I think the style of this one was actual standup. It went well, and I got laughs where I hoped I would. Respect to the English crowd, who was paying attention to some of the nuances and "chapped" them. Feedback welcome:

Mazel tov Aron and Ilana and to the Storfer and Bishop families. I think I speak on behalf of the American contingent when I say that it’s a pleasure to keep returning here for simchos, and may we continue to be able to do so for a long time.

Aron, I’m going to address only you and not your fiancee for two reasons: One, she’s not here so you’re all I’ve got. Two, I’ve got advice to dole out, and I’m not going to make the mistake of telling a woman what to do. I’ve got no such compunction telling a guy what to do.

Now before I say another word, I must point out that anything I say today does not in any way, shape or form reflect or borrow or is informed by my marriage. Anything reminiscent of my relationship with my wife is a complete coincidence – I hope.

My mission, as I see it, is to prepare you for marriage by telling you what to expect, what’s going to happen, what you’re in for, what your responsibilities are, what your daily tasks and duties entail. Now I’m not here to tell you the obvious. I’m here to inform you of the things you may not have expected.

For example, it’s a no-brainer that anything to do with the car is your problem. Insurance, repair, maintenance. It’s your bailiwick. Especially with a baby like your pretty Beemer. I wouldn’t let anyone else touch it either anyway.

Also, the garbage. Men take out the garbage, not women.

So these are obvious things. There are no chiddushim here. Women too, have very specific jobs they undertake, but I won’t say what they are, because I’m not prepared to put my foot In my mouth this early in my speech.

Now before I tell you what specific jobs you have, I must point out the major difference between mens and women’s jobs.

The difference is, when a woman asks a man to please take care of something, it doesn’t matter what he’s in the middle of doing, he has to do it NOW. He could be on the couch, watching, oh, Chelsea vs. Tottenham, but if your wife comes calling, you better move or there’s going to be trouble.

Conversely, you don’t dare ask your wife to do anything. Can anyone tell me why? That’s right, because she’s already in middle of doing 50 other things for you, and you’re asking when she can’t possibly take care of it right now.

The other difference that I need to prepare you for is how and where spouses ask each other to take care of something. When a man asks his wife to handle something, he’ll seek her out whereever she is in the house. Men are more face-to-face people. We do it in business, we do it at home.

Women, on the other hand can holler for you from whereever they are. Again, you can be on the couch watching, oh, Liverpool vs. Man U, and you could swear you heard a voice, and you think it’s your wife, and when you investigate and find her, she’ll be standing there and the first thing out of her mouth will be, “That’s the 5th time I called you. You never listen to me.”

Women also can ask for things as they’re walking away from you, forcing you again, to get up off the couch and follow them so you hear what they have to say.

Having said that, men have four basic jobs in a marriage. We are reachers , shleppers, killers and fetchers.

Job # 1: We reach things for our women. Anything that a woman can’t reach on her own requires you to intervene to assist. Women do not mount ladders or stand on stepstools. It is not their job. Their job is to reach things only reachable using only her arms. Anything further beyond reach is your problem.

You have to rush in to help as soon as you see her on her tiptoes. This is why it is a man’s responsbility to update the clocks in the house (do you have daylight savings time here?). Since many require standing up on a chair to fix, and since they don’t stand on chairs chas v’sholom, the job falls to the man.

Job # 2: We are shleppers. If there’s something heavy, it’s your job to lug it. If there’s something light, it’s still your job to lug it. It doesn’t matter how strong or weak you are, the man shleps. For anyone who’s been to my house, you can imagine what shopping day is like, and I accept the yissurim be’ahava.

Now mind you, your job is not to put stuff away, your job is to put the stuff down where your wife points, and she’ll file everything away. If you try to put stuff away, it means your wife will never find it, and you don’t want to get into that kind of trouble.

Job # 3: We are killers. You may love the animal kingdom and be a nature lover, but if a creature that isn’t your pet should find its way into your house, you better kill it dead. Whether it’s insects or mice or any kind of vermin. You better get rid of it. Incidentally, this is the only time women get up on chairs or stepstools.

Job # 4: It’ s our job to fetch things and check on things. Now remember, this request can happen at any time and it needs to be honored immediately. Women do not go up and down floors to get things for themselves. They also don’t go back to the car if they forget something. They send their husbands to do it. This is why it’s the man’s job to double-check that the front door is locked before going to sleep for the night. The bedroom is quite often on a different floor from the entrance, and women do not cross floors if they can elicit your services. The request is also sometimes vague because women like it when we’re forced to read their minds. So for example, you’re ready to go to sleep, you shut the lights, you cuddle up with your sweetie, and suddenly she’ll say, “I can’t remember if the front door is locked.” Your’e already screwed. Don’t say, “I think it is, I’m pretty sure, what’s the big deal?” Uh uh, once she hints the door might be open, you’re going back downstairs.

So this represents a problem: Your wife will send you to the basement or the cellar or the attic or the shed to fetch a food item, but you won’t know where it is, because, remember, you don’t put the food away! So what do you do? Well, if your wife sends you to get something, get everything there is under heaven in that category. This means that any time your wife sends you to a different part of the house, you will go back to that part of the house with all the extras you brought with you just to make her happy.

For example, if your wife sends you to the shed or garage or basement to get corn, you must bring the Shoepeg, the white, the yellow, the baby, the ears and the stalks. Everything. Then you return with all the extra items in your hand, and while you’re there, you could swear someone is calling you, but you’re not sure.

So Aron, I’ve now prepared you properly for marriage and your shona rishona. If you have any questions, don’t bother mommy and daddy, because they’re busy enjoying their 2nd shona rishona. You come to me. I’m always available for advice and to provide comfort for you in matters such as England’s embarrassment at the hand of the U.S. squad. I’m terribly terribly not sorry about that.

Mazel tov!

Finished Another Book!

Snuff, by Chuck Palahniuk - Reading this book definitely put me on Santa's naughty list. This is possibly the tawdriest, most body-functional disgusting book that is legal for public distribution. There's actually some interesting sub-plotting, inventive narratives, fun puns and a psychotic ending. I read it because I wanted to try out Palahniuk, who appears to be extremely visceral with go-for-the-throat visuals. This definitely makes me want to read more of his work, but I don't recommend this for anyone. Your time is better spent reading or doing almost anything else.

7 Races Down, 3 to Go!

Ran a Father's Day 5 miler in Central Park in the unbelievable, incomprehensible, stifling, choking, murderous heat. Made it out alive though. Forget the splits; there wasn't going to be any PRs with this one. Bonus: getting a text from my wife that she and my kiddies saw me wave at the camera and blow kisses to them on TV. Bonus # 2: Getting a call from my mom that she saw me too! Footnote: Met Charles Schumer for the the third time (High School graduation trip to Washington, college graduation ceremony, and today).

Finished Another Book!

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Future, by Michael J. Fox - A breezy, refreshing, simply-put book of life lessons from an apparently grateful and humble man. The gimmick of showing that life offers the teachings taught under the popular categories in college works well. The book is short enough to be read in its entirety at a commencement ceremony. Enjoyable quickie.

Finished Another Book!

Crazy for the Storm, by Norman Ollestad - What a fascinating survival story told in a fascinating way: The chapters vacillate between the survival and the upbringing that informed his survival. Additionally, once the tale is told, the coda of the rigors of growing into one's own is told with incredible passion and detail and nostalgia. There are no quotes around the spoken words in this book, which helps to convey the closeness the author feels to everyone in his book, as if he's fused with humanity, especially his father. A wonderful, powerful mesmerizing read.

Hadran Aluch Maseches Sanhedrin!

...v'hadrach alun!

In honor of my son, Yonah Avraham, AKA Freddy. May the words of Torah never depart from our lips, and the lips of our children and children's children, forever. I have begun Makkos, in honor of the person for whom I'm partaking in the Jrunners relay race, Menachem Mendel ben Gella, may he have a refuah sheleimah!

Finished Another Book!

My Jesus Year, by Binyamin Cohen - This book completely took me by surprise. I had thought it would be about a man giving up on his Judaism completely and embracing Christianity as a replacement, but it turned out to be that he enriched his Judaic experience by appreciating it more through the lens of a...nother religion. I am experiencing the same thing, as I'm reading a book about happiness by a Buddhist monk and am rediscovering the passion I have for my religion through the lens of another. Incidentally, this is the first book I ever finished on a Kindle. A "rite" of passage. Cool.

Finished Another Book!

Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer - It's easy to understand why Krakauer undertook this endeavor, as he clearly sees some of himself in the subject of the story. The book meanders a bit, probably because too many facts aren't available and the saga itself is a bit thin, but it's compensated by the clear passion of the writer. As for McCandless himself, I state unequivocally that he was an unprepared arrogant idiot. He was a socially, philosophically, conservationally talented and intelligent man. His death was a complete waste of an extremely promising existence. A great shame.

6 Races Down, 4 to Go!

Did the Japan Day 4M in Central Park (http://www.nyrr.org/races/2010/r0606x00.asp) in the hot hot heat.

I started off with a 3 mile pre-race warmup in my new Nike Frees. So far, so good; no blister pain; they push me forward; they feel like socks; they're very interesting.

As for the race: I completed it in 34:43, 8:30 per mile. Splits: 7:47 (busted out of that start line like a mofo and stormed the hill),... 8:17 (uh oh, sun came out and starting roasting and slowing the runners down), 8:47 (no water stop at mile 2? Who they fooling? I need water!), 8:17 (Ah, got water and picked up the pace). My Frees are nice, real nice, I think I solved my blister problem. My plantar still needs work.

Finished Another Book!

Why a Curveball Curves: The Incredible Science of Sports, by Frank Vizard - Another smart gift from my wife, who keeps surprising me with books I like to read that AREN'T on my Amazon Wish List. :-) The book was fun for me because I like sports and science. Two great tastes thrown together. The book was a bit uneven though, getting into the ...nitty-gritty in some sports while just glancing over others. Everyone should have gotten a fair shake. Still, I enjoyed very much.

Finished Another Book!

Rising Sun, by Michael Chricton - Absolutely gripping. Quite an elaborate plot relayed in a very simple matter. 200 pages into this 388 page book I thought the case was wrapped, and then "Oh wow!" 150 pages later, I thought the story was wrapped again, and then "Oh wow!" Crichton kept pulling fast on...es, with great believable twists. A very, very good book. So good in fact, that I promise never to see the movie. :-)

Finished Another Book!

Why a Curveball Curves: The Incredible Science of Sports, by Frank Vizard and Robert Lipsyte - Another smart gift from my wife, who keeps surprising me with books I like to read that AREN'T on my Amazon Wish List. :-) The book was fun for me because I like sports and science. Two great tastes thrown together. The book was a bit uneven though, getting into the nitty-gritty in some sports while just glancing over others. Everyone should have gotten a fair shake. Still, I enjoyed very much.

Celebrity Spotting! Kurtwood Smith

After the Salute to Israel parade, we all went to Whitney Museum - just like everyone else - to use their restrooms. Standing outside was Boddicker from Robocop, whose other popular role was Red on That 70's show. He had his face buried in his Blackberry. I passed by and said, "I only know you as Boddicker." (I hadn't remembered his Red role at the time). He liked up and smiled and said, "Thaaaaanks," as if to say, "I've been in show business for 40 years and have distinguished myself and this is all you remember me for?" In hindsight, I could have said something much nicer. Ah well. Nice guy.

Finished Another Book!

Just Say Nu: Yiddish for Every Occasion (When English Just Won't Do), by Michael Wex - Michael Wex has helped me rediscover my Joy for Yiddish. His first book, "Born to Kvetch" gave the history of Yiddish, while this book reads a lot like a "Yiddish for Dummies" book. As a matter of fact, if I could find a book on Hebrew written in this style, I might a...ctually finally learn the language. This book is quite funny and surprisingly potty-mouthed, so a flag of caution there. Actually, the heck with caution, try it this book speCIFically for the "leeb mit tren" chapter. :-)

Finished Another Book!

A Seat at the Table: A Novel of Forbidden Choices, by Joshua Halberstam - This book was a pleasure to read. It accurately depicts human curiosity, the conflict of wanting to belong and needing to leave, the importance of family, the consequences of our choices. Additionally, the chassidic fables are beautifully woven into the narrative thro...ughout. The book provides great empathy for all the characters, no matter which side they're on in regard to the choices made by the protagonist. The work is fiction, but is the story of many people I know.

Finished Another Book!

Four to Score, by Janet Evanovich - Of all the pistol-packin' hot mama protagonist novels I've read (I'm up to date on all the Grafton books), this is the most hilarious and entertaining by a country mile. If any should become a movie, this one has to be it. The characters are well imagined and fall-down funny, each in their own right. It's so good, I'd recommend enjoying it before the first three in the series instead of having to wait to enjoy this treasure.

5 Races Down, 5 to Go

Mother's Day race in Central Park (http://www.nyrr.org/races/2010/r0509x00.asp)

I warmed up with a 2 mile leisurely jog, battling winds that can only be classified as psychotic.

I then blitzed through 4 miles at a 7:51 clip. Splits: 7:37, 7:34, 8:20 (good ol' set of hills and water stop) and 7:56. As the training goes along, I'm getting faster and faster. I'm battling plantar fasciitis though, so we'll see what happens with the rest of my season.

Finished Another Book!

The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, by Patrick Lencioni - This book imparts valuable lessons on teamwork in the manner of a fable. I find this method of parlaying business lessons to be quite effective. The fable itself holds your interest, and the distillation at the end is just short enough to continue holding it through the end. I do, think, however, that the fable itself could stand on its own, and the lessons in the coda could be inferred. I'd be more entertained and just as informed.

Celebrity Spotting! Dick Clark

I spotted Dick Clark and said hi to him (he gave me a polite hello in return). He was chilling in a wheelchair outside a hotel. Looked good, unlike what he looks like on tv under all the corpse makeup.

I'm Running from Brooklyn to South Fallsburg!

Well kinda, it'll be part of a relay race for a good cause.

Here's the long story short:

A friend of ours - a father of five - has been stricken with ALS.

His closest friends have organized a 200 kilometer (125 mile) race from Brooklyn to South Fallsburg, to take place on July 28, 2010. They have covered the expenses with their own wallets in the hopes of raising enough to take care of their friend and others afflicted with the same illness.

I will embark on this journey along with 99 others. We will relay run in teams of 10. We will not stop for 22 hours. We will do this for our friend. We ask that you support our cause:

http://www.jrunnersrelay.org/my/thebodie

Thank you so much.

P.S. I'll be hitting you up again later in the year for my marathon run for Ohel, so calibrate your contributions accordingly. :-)

Finished Another Book!

Stiff: The Curious Life of Human Cadavers, by Mary Roach - I espied this book years ago when it was released, but figured people would find me odd if they caught me reading it. Many years later, I'm like, so totally over that. So I picked the book up, and enjoyed it. She discusses the fate of the human decedent from every angle possible and sprinkles the book with enough rather sharp humor to keep things from descending into morbidity. Very educational.

Finished Another Book!

Your Kids are Your Own Fault by Larry Winget - Exactly the book I was looking for when searching for parenting ideas and approaches for my children. Larry is in-your-face, brash, direct, and blunt. He certainly subscribes to the school of Radical Honesty (I don't). I agreed with him on 80% of his po...ints, vehemently agreed with him on 15%, and disagreed with him on 5%. However, he did advise not to dismiss all his advice just because I might disagree with him on some. Know what? That's good advice. Three major points I disagreed on: 1) I don't believe in spanking, ever, no exceptions. 2) "Because I said so" is a not a valid response for me. 3) I think kids need to be treated a bit more gently than he espouses. Also, he recommended the book, "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen..." The book is useless. Larry's book is very, very good. I love his chain of command idea where the parent closest in proximity is in charge.

Finished Another Book!

The Myth of Multitasking by Dave Crenshaw - A very interesting, very quick read on the perils of multitasking. It certainly sold me on its central idea. The book is written in a "fable" style vis-a-vis a professional meeting with a multitasker and educating her on better alternatives. I know that other business books are written this way, but I've never experienced one. It was quite interesting. I read the entire book in one day. I don't think I've done that before. Cool.

Finished Another Book!

The 188th Crybaby Brigade by Joel Chasnoff - Quite a humorous book and a fun memoir. While he clearly sees serious things from a funny point of view, he never devolves into scoffing. I enjoyed this book very much. There is one element I have a minor issue with, but since it doesn' t detract from the quality of the book, it's not worth mentioning. Besides, I'm completely biased. Not only did he sign my book after an entertaining book reading, he also gave me solid advice on how I could get my book (www.lulu.com/product/paperback/bush-ii-book-i/6254252) into Jon Stewart's hands.

4 Races Down, 6 to Go!

Warmed up with a 2 mile run, then ran a 4-miler (http://www.nyrr.org/races/2010/r0418x00.asp) in a blistering 31:34, 7:53 per mile. First under 8s race of the year. Splits: 7:36 (possibly my fastest first race mile ever), 7:51, 8:23 (hill and water stop, same as last race), and 7:41. I'm getting faster. These pre-race runs seem to be really warming up the engines.

Finished Another Book!

The Road by Cormac McCarthy - This book is crushing in its bleakness. There's a gimmick in the narrative that works really well. There are no quotes around what the characters say, nor are there hyphens in compound words, as if to say the survivors are too exhausted to bother with such details. The writing is propulsive and never meanders. One powerful resonance with me was that the characters refused to partake in cannibalism. My grandfather, on "the road" for most of the Holocaust, had opportunities to do so as well, but refused, and put his existence at riske by not succumbing. The book is a masterpiece.

Dr. Seuss Inspires Again!

The Washington Times published my Dr. Seuss Obamacare parody - and gave it quite a clever title to boot! Plus, the graphic they came up with is ingenious. I've hardly ever been so pleased with handing my work over to someone else for publication.

Here is the article: http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2010/apr/06/mean-regs-and-scam/

And here is the text in full:

Mean Regs and Scam
by
Martin Bodek
Copyright © 2010 by Martin Bodek


I am Bam
Bam I am

That Bam-I-am!
That Bam-I-am!
I do not like that Bam-I-am!

Do you like my health care plan?

I do not like it, Bam-I-am.
I do not like your health care plan.

Would you like it here or there?

I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.

I do not like this health care plan.
I do not like it, Bam-I-am.

Would you like it with your spouse?
Shall I pass it in the House?

I do not like it with my spouse.
You shall not pass it in the House.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere.
I do not like this health care plan.
I do not like it, Bam-I-am.

Would you like this when you're ill?
Would you like this with some frills?

Not when I'm ill.
Not with some frills
Not in the House.
Not with my spouse.
I would not have it here or there.
I would not have it anywhere.
I would not want this health care plan.
I do not like it, Bam-I-am.

Would you? Could you? I'm the Czar!
Have it! Have it! Here you are.

I would not, could not, Mr. Czar.

You may like it. You will see.
You may like it when it's free!

I would not, could not when it's free.
It'll cost me. You will see.
I do not like it when I'm ill.
I do not like it with some frills.
I do not like it with my spouse.
You shall not pass it in the House.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere.
I do not like this health care plan.
I do not like it, Bam-I-am.

For pain! For pain!
For pain! For pain!
Could you, would you,
For your pain?

Not for my pain! No, can't you see?
I'll say it plain! Bam! Let me be!
I would not, could not, when I'm ill.
I could not, would not, with some frills.
I will not have it with my spouse.
I do not want it near the House.
I will not have it here or there.
I will not have it anywhere.
I do not like this health care plan.
I do not like it, Bam-I-am.

Say! For the Poor?
Yes, for the poor!
Would you, could you,
for the poor?

I would not, could not, for the poor.

Would you, could you, think again?

I would not, could not, think again.
Not for the poor. Not for the pain.
We can't afford. It isn't free.
I do not like it, Bam, you see.
Not in the House. Not for the frills.
Not with my spouse. Not when I'm ill.
I will not have it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere!

You do not like my health care plan?

I do not like it, Bam-I-am.

Could you, would you, place your vote?

I would not, could not, place my vote!

Would you, could you, help this float?

I could not, would not, place my vote.
I will not, will not, help this float.
I will not have it for my pain.
Please don't bother me again.
We can't afford. It isn't free.
I do not like it, Bam, you see.
I do not like it when I'm ill.
I do not like it with the frills.
I do not want it in the House.
I do not like it with my spouse.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it ANYWHERE!
I do not like this health care plan!
I do not like it, Bam-I-am.

You do not like it. So you say.
Try it! Try it! And you may.
Try it and you may, I say.

Bam! If you will let me be,
I will try it. You will see.
Say! I like this health care plan!
I do! I like it, Bam-I-am!
And I would take it with the bloat.
And you'll have a legacy to gloat.
And I will take the increased tax.
And all the convoluted facts.
To Kingdom Come with happy glee.
This is so good, so good, you see!

Martin Bodek is the author of "Bush II, Book I" (lulu.com, 2010).

Finished Another Book!

Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond - This is the greatest, most concise, illuminating, myth-debunking, well-researched, informative, exhilarating, eye-opening book on the history of civilization that I have ever read. A friend of mine told me how proud he was that he read it before it won its Pulitzer. I now understand the source of his pride. It should replace all history books used in school.

Marathon Training Begins

7 miles in 1:06:43, 9:32 per mile, a good way to officially kick off my training season. My schedule had me doing 3 miles today, but lefnim meshiras hadin never hurt anybody (okay, that's debatable).

Preliminary assessment of my Running-through-winter experiment is quite positive. My legs are strong, my knees have held up, I have no muscle fatigue, all my joints are pain-free, I've lost 6 pounds and I've got a 50 mile head-start on any of my previous training seasons.

As Dilios said in 300 (The 2nd greatest action movie of all-time): "A good start."

3 Races Down, 7 to Go!

I ran a 4 miler in Central Park today (http://www.nyrr.org/races/2010/ccc/index.asp) in 32:02, exactly 8:00 per mile. Nice. I placed 468th out of 2446 runners, in the top 5th! Nicer! My splits were 7:47, 7:44, 8:34 (hill and water stop) and 7:58. Nicest!

Aw hell, I had an awesome race. I actually woke up this morning with stiff hamstrings due to all the ups and downs from my basement to the kitchen because of the Pesach turnover last night. I decided to run 2 miles before the race and it totally loosened me up. Felt great today.

The Knish is Back! Woohoo!

Issue # 30! Now at a browser near you!: http://www.theknish.com/

9.5 Miles Through the Apocalypse

This morning I did my new favorite run: All the way to Teaneck followed by brunch with my family.

The run itself was insane.

First, it was as if I was surveying the aftermath of the apocalypse. A nor'easter blew through the region and downed trees, uprooted fences, blew planters and garbage cans across streets, created massive flooding and "police line - do not cross" tape was everywhere.

I saw two cars in one driveway absolutely pulverized by a tree. One day a family has two cars, the next day: zero.

I ran past a field of shingles on the ground. I looked up. The roof of the house was completely skinned of its shingles. Completely bare!

Then I ran past a church whose steeple looked like it had taken a round from a tank. It was in smithereens and splinters and the blown-out columns were splayed out on the grounds of the building.

Second, the rain. The first 7 miles of the run was drizzle, no biggie. But then the heavens opened up and I got drenched from the tip of my cap to the bottom of my new Asics Gels. There was no dry concrete, earth or asphalt for me to run on and no tree or awning cover whatsoever. Still, I enjoyed it. I seem to thrive on adverse weather. I feel tough and strong and macho and adventurous.

Finally I rolled in to the bagel shop and met up with my family and had a yummy and filling (the run burned approximately 1,200 calories) meal.

Before departing, a friend of my wife's walked in and delivered the news that the night before, two of her neighbors were coming home from shul and were struck and killed by a falling tree. Apparently, one of them had stormed out of the house following an argument. He never made it back for a reconciliation.

My gosh.

Lessons for the day:

1) It is good to be alive, and to live life to its fullest, and to love the one you're with.
2) Mother nature is tougher and stronger and more macho than you.
3) Car insurance, house insurance, and for the love of G-d - and your family! - life insurance!!!

More Basic Math from Yours Truly

http://www.nydailynews.com/opinions/2010/03/13/2010-03-13_untitled__vox13ed.html?page=1

Finished Another Book!

Mister B. Gone, by Clive Barker - I read all of Clive Barker's books when I was a wee little lad. He then came out of the closet and all of his books thereafter sucked miserably. He's gone back to his roots and has spun an interesting tale with an inventive spin. Maybe he broke up with his partner.

2 Races Down, 8 to Go

5K race (http://www.nyrr.org/races/2010/r0307x00.asp) in 26:12, 8:26 PM, Fun fun run with lots of great music on the sidelines. My sister, less than 2 minutes behind me, established a 5k PR. Major milestone of the day: I'm now so bald, I can't pin a yarmulka to my head anymore. If I still want to "represent" I can either grow my hair like Terry Bradshaw or get a bigger yarmulka.

Finished Another Book!

Charles Darwin: The Concise Story of an Extraordinary Man by Tim M. Berra - I am as fascinated by the man as I am by his accomplishments. This book gives a nice concise summary of his qualities as a doting husband, caring father, curious scientist, thorough experimenter and relisher of thinking in quietude, qualities I'd love to emulate.

Finished Another Book!

Lord of the Flies, by William Golding - I started reading this when I was a kid, but couldn't grasp it. I revisited it and was terrified, even though I knew what was coming. It read a lot like "There Will be Blood", where you know the menace is coming - even though it may be all the way at the end - but the slow boil is still riveting.

I've Hit the Big Time!

I've made it to the Wall Street Journal of Jewish journalism! That's right, Hamodia! Enjoy!:

Excerpts from the Abridged Prepared Table, A.K.A. The Gentile Kitzur

Redacted by

Mordechi Bodek

The Dead Seagate scrolls consist of about three documents, including texts from the Abridged Prepared Table, discovered between 5769 and 5770 in eleven restaurants in and around Little Odessa near the ruins of the ancient settlement of Coney Island, on the southwest shore of the Dead Seagate.

The texts are of great religious and historical significance, as they include some of the only known surviving copies of Jewish Gentile law made before 2010 C.E. and preserve evidence of early third temple Gentilism.

In this publication, we are proud to display excerpts of this marvelous find, the full version of which will be published soon, just in time for Eliyahu to answer all Taikus on the matter just before Moshiach arrives.

Chapter 3: Hilchos Shabbos Goy

1) When you are confronted by your Jewish neighbor on Shabbos (“the Sabbath”), do not be so intimidated by his panicked facial expression as to hasten across the street. Rather, hear out what he has to say.

2) The secret to deciphering your Jewish neighbor’s anguished pleas is antonyms. He wants exactly the opposite of what he’s saying. For example, if he says “It’s cold in my house,” this means he wants the heat on. If he says, “I left my keys in the car,” he wants you to get them out. If he says, “I have my in-laws over,” it means you go back to your glory days as a Rebbeh’s gabbai (“bouncer”).

3) If you’re brought into a shul (“synagogue”) to perform an antonym, you don’t have to put on a yarmulka (“skullcap”). This would be ma’ares ayin (“Hold up, that Jew is doing what on Shabbos?”) anyway.

4) Your tip is schnapps (“liquor”) and sponge cake. Sorry, that’s all we have as currency on Shabbos. You wouldn’t eat wiggly cubes of chicken fat, would you?

Chapter 16: Hilchos Shabbos Car Service

1) If you get a call from a Jew on Shabbos, the missus is about to deliver a baby. Let’s roll.

2) When you arrive, note that your payment is right in the doorway, on the radiator cover or mirror shelf. The husband has researched your fees and added the standard 3% tip. Enjoy.

Chapter 23: Hilchos Mechiras Chometz

1) Congratulations, you now own a multi-billion dollar corporation! And you barely paid anything for it! Who said these Jews have good business sense?

2) In return, though, we may ask you to sell it back to us for a similar price in the near future. It’s only fair.

3) Sale or no sale, if you come into our house and start making yourself a sandwich, we will probably panic and call the cops. No hard feelings, though.

Chapter 57: Hilchos Jewish Co-worker

1) If for some reason you have a Jewish co-worker, ask him annoying questions. He’ll love it.

2) Our favorite questions are: “You’ve never had lobster? Never? No really, never? Never ever? Aw c’mon, never? Don’t you wanna try?” and: “Really? You can have any beer you want? Any one? Really? How about Heineken? Can you have that one? Really? Also Coors? Really? Coors?” and finally: “But why won’t you accept this bottle of wine from me as a gift?”

3) That time we disappear for two days, but no news outlet has announced what Jewish holiday it is? That’s something called Shavuous. (“Pentecost.”) (Okay, that’s not really better. How about “Festival of Weeks”?) Now that the cat’s out of the bag, we might as well tell you what it’s about: We stay up all night learning and then fall asleep while the Torah is being read to make up for oversleeping when the Torah was being given.

4) Don’t concern yourselves with our Hebrew names. You couldn’t pronounce them anyway. Instead, we’ll make a real effort to at least respond to the name we’ve given you.

5) You work on our holidays and we work on yours. Even though we have 19 more holidays than you do, we think it’s a fair compromise. This is because we use up all our vacation days without actually ever taking a vacation.

6) No, that’s not kosher. That’s just the symbol for a registered product.

6b) No, it’s still not kosher. That’s just the copyright symbol.

Chapter 68: Hilchos Alternate Side Days

1) You’re welcome.

Chapter 78: Hilchos Attending a Jewish Friend’s Wedding.

1) Men on one side, women on the other. Violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

2) The evening usually begins with a smorgasbord, which means, “Ahhhhh numnumnumnumnum.” Or at least on the women’s side. The men have a “Chosson’s Tisch” which means “Slim pickins.”

3) Wait, the ceremony’s not over yet. That hushed silence you hear is everyone waiting for the groom to make several abortive attempts to break a glass with his foot.

4) Beer? What beer? Jews don’t drink; they eat! Beer is for Shalom Zachors, not weddings.

5) Dancing is done in a circle, counterclockwise and smooshed for the people with the felt hats and the sidelocks behind the ears, clockwise and orderly for the people with the fur and the sidelocks in front of their ears. We don’t know line dancing from break dancing, and will sue you for the injuries if you try to teach us.

6) Despite the specter of swine flu, you are required to hold the hand of the person in front of you and the person behind you. The only way halfway out of this is if you become the first or last in a circle that can’t quite reach around to the other side to make it complete.

7) The people asking for money are called “schnorrers.” No mocking. You do it with a plate, we do it by shoving a wad of $500 bills in your face. You can determine honesty by lamination. Laminated forgeries are too expensive for dishonest people to buy.

Chapter 99: Hilchos Understanding What Jews are Talking About

1) “What means this?” means “What does this mean?” It’s a linguistic tic we just can’t shake.

2) “By” is not the English word meaning “near” or “next to”. It is the Yiddish word meaning “at”. Thus, if we ask someone to stay by our house, we are not asking him to sleep on the lawn.

3) “Shidduch crisis” means there are way more unmarried girls than boys in some sects, and way more unmarried boys than girls in others, and intermarriage is strictly forbidden. Where would they eat on Passover? .

4) “Oy” means “Uch”. “Uch” means “Yoy”. “Yoy” means “Uch in vey”. “Uch in vey” means “A bruch”. “A bruch” means “Oy”.

5) “Machatonim” are… um, they’re uh… um… Wow! There’s no English word for it! Moving right along…

6) “Naches” cannot be defined. It is a scientific formula that needs to be pie-charted to be understood. It is 41% pride, 31% joy, 16% pleasure, 11% satisfaction and 1% horrible grammar. (EXAMPLE: “My son oy such a doctor he is you should only know!”)

Chapter 100: Hilchos Black Boxes with Wires

1) They’re called tefillin. Jews wear them every day. Biblical texts are inside. Yes, we mumble when we wear them, and sometimes we won’t respond to people who are speaking to us, but we mean you no harm. Please do not divert the plane.

Finished Another Book!

How We Decide, by Jonah Lehrer - 50 pages into this book and I suddenly realized why I liked it so much - his style is almost exactly that of my favorite non-fiction writer: Malcolm Gladwell. The book covers a lot of Gladwell's "Blink" territory, but - as you can surmise from the title - it totally focuses on the decision-making process. Conclusion: think about how you think. It's more complicated than it sounds.

Finished Another Book!

The Way Toys Work, by Ed Sobey and Woody Sobey - My wife got this for me as a gift - and she knows me well. The title and subtitle explain exactly what the book is. It satisfied huge curiosities of mine. Buy it for your kids, then read it yourself.

Another Teaneck Run

Ran all the way to Teaneck - through various snowdrifts and ice formations - and allllll the way to the bagel shop, where I met up with my wife for breakfast. While there, I met the gadol hador, Rav Pinky Schmeckelstein. Such an honor.

Hadran Aluch Maseches Bava Basra...

...v'hadrach alun.

Boruch Hashem, this past Shabbos I completed maseches Bava Basra in honor of Rochel Urit bas Rivka Eidel. May she have a refuas hanefesh and a refuas haguf.

I have begun learning Sanhedrin in honor of the third birthday of our son, Yonah Avraham ben Moshe Mordechi Ichel. May he and I be zoche to the words in the hadran: Shelo tamush hatorah mipi imipi zari v'zera zari ad olam!

Zoogt der heiligeh gemooreh...

Finished Another Book!

Why Do Buses Come in Threes, by Rob Eastaway and Jeremy Wyndham - Crazily fun and exhilarating, solves a whole bunch of every day problems and clarifies matters that have bugged me my whole life. I now understand traffic, why two people in a room of 30 will share a birthday, why the London Underground design is ingenious, how pi and e and phi can be applied constantly, and of course, why it's efficient to start the shower before disrobing instead of vice-versa. Life-changing eye-opener to say the least.

1 Race Down, 9 to Go

I braved the elements this morning for a run in Central Park (http://www.nyrr.org/races/2010/r0207x00.asp). By "elements" I mean weather so cold, my thoughts were frozen inside my brain. 'Twas six degrees with the wind chill. Emperor penguins would have suffered.

I wore six layers on my torso, one for each degree, and shorts beneath my sweatpants. It was so unbearable that I didn't remove any layer for the entire run.

My sister joined me for the race, though I didn't meet up with her until afterwards. She ran an impressive 9:17 Per mile, I did 9:05, taking it easy because my joints were frostbitten.

Good run, hope the rest this year are slightly warmer.

Finished Another Book!

The Extra Mile, by Pam Reed - Not expertly written - she's a runner, not a writer - but nevertheless still quite fascinating to read about her experience at the top of her field. I've now read all two female-written ultrarunning books, and the perspective is fascinating. No more exist though, which is kinda sad. Back to the men...

Started Writing a New Book

I Started writing "Bush II, Book II" and set a deadline for 12/31/10. While I'm writing it, I'll continue to brainstorm for what I can do for a calendar year and write about, ala "The Year of Living Biblically," "Reading the OED, "Living Oprah," etc.

Finished Another Book!

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish - Non-stop repetitive easier-said-than-done wishful-thinking nonsense, and brags about it. It doesn't address, for example, things that happen that they don't have advice for. This book is a con. If this is the parenting "bible" then I'm scared about what the rest of scripture looks like. I completed the book because I thought it could help, but it was a waste of my time. The bottom line seems be: be cool, manipulate your children, be creative. It could have said all that in 20 pages.

Finished Another Book!

How to Talk to a Widower, by Jonathan Tropper - A fantastic work of fiction. This book is completely not the genre I enjoy, but he tells a story so well. The book is entirely engrossing. Definitely recommended for anyone who likes something written really really well.

The Great Point-to-point Run

Yesterday I ran from where I live to a town 13.5 miles away by car (and 9.5 on foot), and met up with my wife for breakfast. It was the funnest, most adventurous, most exploreresque run of my life.

Armed with Google Maps walking directions, my usual supplies and four different forms of ID, I ran through various towns and stopped 8 miles into my run (only because of a blister - I *need* new sneakers!). 'Twas 1.5 miles further to the bagel shop, so I started walking, and my wife picked me up with about .3 to go.

Fun fun fun!

Finished Another Book!

How to Read the Bible, by James L. Kugel - This book forced reroutes of the synapses of my brain like none ever before. It is an 800 page cinder block that I was happy to carry around with me for precisely that reason. For 34 years I looked at the Bible one way, and from now until my last day, I'll be looking at it another way. NOT recommended for staunch believers in the 8th ikkar. You have been warned.

I Published a Book!

After three odd decades of dreaming about it and one and half years of doing it, I finally did it. I wrote a book. But not only that, I published it - big difference.

Behold the fruits of my labor:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/bush-ii-book-i/6254252

Please click "preview" beneath the picture of the book and have a look at the first ten pages to get a feel for the material. Please enjoy and let me know what you think. If you'd like to actually buy the book, wow, that'd be gravy.

As an incentive, if you buy the book and if you live within 24,859.82[*] miles of me, then I will travel to where you live and sign the book for you.[**]

As an added incentive, if you buy the book, and you know from which movie the dedication is drawn from (viewable in the preview) and if you know from which children's book the last line in the "About the author" section is from (not viewable in the preview),[***] then when I sign the book for you, I'll also bring along a 10% discount.

Gratefully yours,

Martin (Mordechi) Bodek

[*] The circumference of the earth.

[**] Kidding! (but I will make a decent effort)

[***] WithOUT Googling!

New Year's Resolutions

Get my abs back, run NYC Marathon in 4:20, get two IT certifications, keep pace with daf yomi, pick up the pace with nach yomi, publish a book, put out surname column monthly, launch at least 4 Knish issues, read 40 books, run 300 miles, get a permanent job, go on vacation where it's sunny.

The Daily News Published a Letter of Mine!

Inspired by "Freakonomics," which reveals hidden truths in statistics, among other things:

http://www.nydailynews.com/opinions/letters/index.html?page=1 (six letters in)

This wasn't the full letter though. It is way, way edited. The original's subject was "Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics" (two points if you know who said that without Googling), and the full content was as follows:

"Why are police departments always given carte blanche credit for local reductions in murders? If murders are down, but felony assault is up, what does that really tell you? Doesn't it tell you that EMS, hospitals, medical technology and doctors are doing a better job at keeping people alive, thereby moving the murders from statistical column A to the assaults from statistical column B? Not if you're blinded by the pretty lies of statistics."

Now if only they'd publish my thoughts on Tiger...

Finished Another Book!

Personal Record: A Love Affair with Running by Rachel Toor. One of the most exhilarating books I've ever read. Amazing to read about running from a woman's point of view. It was so good, I tried to read it slowly so it wouldn't end so quickly, but it was so good, I sped right through it! Highly, highly recommended.

Finished Another Book!

I finished the Network+ Exam Cram book I've been studying for a few months. I'll reserve judgment for now on whether I liked it or not. Basically, if I pass the test I'll schedule for the end of the month, it was a good book. If I don't, it's all the book's fault. :-)

Finished Another Book!

Napalm and Silly Putty by George Carlin. Hilarious musings, much after my own heart. He's like a dirty (make that filthy) Jerry Seinfeld. I'll now go get my hands on the rest of his books. He only wrote four, so I'll be done with those lickety-split.

I Wrote a Book!

Just one minute ago, I finally completed the book I've been working on for the past 1.5 years. I'm immediately blogging this to capture my emotions at their purest.

I am so excited, I am going to jump out of my pants. It's 1:17 in the morning and I really want to wake up my family and do the dance of joy with all of them, but the news can wait till the morning.

I don't know if I'll successfully sell this book, nor do I know how successful I'll ever be, but I do know that I now feel I have begun to fulfill what I consider to be my destiny. I may not ever make a living as a writer, but I will publish books, many of them, I'll self-publish if I have to, and finally at the age of 34, I've done it, I've written a book, and this will hopefully be the first of many more.

If you're curious what the book is about, please e-mail me, and I'll send you the query letter I've been sending to literary agents.

And of course, if you know a literary agent, or know someone who knows a literary agent, or know someone who knows someone who knows someone who lives in the same state as a literary agent, you give me a holler.

Meantime, I'm going to celebrate by finally opening that Facebook account that I've been pushing off forever. This thing still popular?

My 14th Marathon Run

On November 1st, 2009 I ran my 14th marathon. It was my 10th straight NYC and 12th NYC overall. This is the story of this year’s run, from training to finish line. (If you’re only interested in my start-line to finish-line experience, skip ahead to the paragraph that starts with “showtime.”)

Training: My training this year had a fantastic beginning, horrendous middle and wonderful ending.

The horrendous middle began with a twisted ankle, which I accomplished by exiting a Chinese restaurant with takeout in a box that I cradled in my arms and didn’t notice the concrete step just outside the store.

However, I was proud to have it all taken care of within 36 hours by treating it properly with ice, compression, elevation and heat. I figured after that, there was no injury I couldn’t treat properly what with all my experience. I shouldn’t have felt so haughty. There was more to come.

A few weeks after that I developed a painful case of hip bursitis, which was brought on by sneakers that had become lopsided, which happened as a result of increased running, which occurred due to a brief period of unemployment, which is why my training had a fantastic beginning.

Many doctor visits, x-rays, anti-inflammatory meds, races in which I could only walk (I need a number of them to qualify for next year’s marathon) and too much rest from running later, I was finally on the mend and resumed my running, only to be slammed with another injury.

I suffered a massive allergy attack after an upstate (AKA “The Mountains,” AKA “The Catskills,” AKA “Der Countries,” AKA “Visiting Day”) visit, which triggered a chest infection, which devolved into a three-week sinusitis headache. The pain was so severe that I was scared I’d lose consciousness at random, which scared me off running.

After two weeks of this madness, I decided enough was enough, I was going for a run, and if I collapse, nu, somebody will scrape me off the pavement. Foolish, but you cannot imagine the stir-craziness. And a nice thing happened on that run. The motion of running shook the headache down from the sides of my head to my ears, which was still painful, but tolerable. On the run after that, I shook the congestion down from my ears to the bottom of my jaw. A few days after that, I was on the mend again and resumed my training.

There was one more injury to add, though it didn’t keep me from future runs. One cool evening I was running down a 15-degree slope when my foot caught a groove in the sidewalk and I went hurtling forward, my feet unable to stop me from falling. I landed on my palms and rolled, squishing my right arm under me and using my elbow and shoulder as brakes. My water bottle and phone went sailing, and I realized that if I would have broken my ankle, I would have had to crawl 10 feet to my phone and call for help.

I took inventory of my injuries and decided I was good enough to continue my run. It was the first case of “road rash” I had ever endured. Sure, I was bruised and hurt but my legs were okay, and that’s all that mattered.

Finally I put all these setbacks behind me and got into a training groove, steadily increasing mileage while doing lots of hill-running in the weeks preceding the marathon.

I also continued to maintain my generally healthy lifestyle, but with two major changes: I began having a lot more fish and fish oils and decreased my sugar intake by a significant amount.

6 weeks to showtime: I get involved with TeamOhel, an endeavor from the Ohel organization designed to garner support for the camps it offers its children to enjoy. I’m delighted to be a part of it and it gives me great encouragement. Finally I was running for a cause, instead of just myself. It’s not too late to give!: (http://www.active.com/donate/team_ohel/Bodek)

2 weeks to showtime: A friend from shul pledges $2 per marathon mile run, plus $1 for every minute I break my PR. Now that’s motivation, but I’m not sure it can be done this year, so I ask him for $1 per second. It takes two weeks of hondling, but I’m finally able to finagle a $5 per minute pledge.

I also put in my final long run, a 15.2 miler. When I’m done, I’m happy that I feel that I have at least 3 miles left in the tank. Considering I had just run over serious hills and was feeling pretty sharp, I’m in pretty good shape.

1 week to showtime: I run a 5-miler in Central Park, add 4 miles as a warmup, head to Cedarhurst with my wife and kids to join my TeamOhel members for an afternoon of fun with Ohel’s children, have pizza with my family, paint some ceramics and head on home. My training is done for the season, having put in 230 miles despite my injuries. 300 is more typical for me, but this year, 230 will do.

24 hours to showtime: I spend Shabbos in a muddled state of mind, distracted by my anticipation and my mental lists of things I need to take care of pre-race. During morning lunch, I say Friday night kiddush, and during havdalah, I say besamim and have a sip of grape juice. My mind is scattershot.

Erev showtime: While watching the 2009 World Champion Yankees (you better believe it!) deliver a beatdown to the Phillies and take a 2-1 series lead, I change all the clocks for DST, then prepare my clothing and supplies and lay them out like a scarecrow on a bed in our guest bedroom. I forget one minor little object. More on that later. I have a meal that consists of two slices of pizza, a hot pretzel, a waffle, an apple, nuts and my favorite pre-marathon dish, macaroni with crumbs, prepared with love by my wife. She inherited the task from my mom, who prepared it with love when I was “levado.” You can find it in “The Heimishe Kitchen” cookbook.

As I put the finishing touches on my meal, the Yankees beat the Phillies 8-5 and off I go to bed.

7 hours to showtime: I rise and shine at 3:20 AM, shower, wrap the blister on my left foot with a blister band-aid, large band-aid and stretchy gauze and don all my supplies: A Superman t-shirt with the logo in shape of a magen david, red shorts, blue gloves, yarmulke with three bobby-pins (I really don’t know what I’m going to do as I continue to lose my hair. I want to wear my yarmulke, but I need it to stick to something!), temporary tattoo of the NYC Marathon, my watch, two pace-bands (In case I slow down from one pace, I’ll fall back to the other), a LiveStrong bracelet, my race bib with a TheKnish.com sticker, two bibs with my name for my front and back, one bib that says, “If I’m walking, pat my back, thanks!” (Oh boy, does this come in handy!), and a bib with a quote from Isaiah 40:31: “They shall run, and not be weary.” (“Yeirotzu v’lo yiga’ooh”). I’m all set, right? But I’m missing that one item. Can you guess what it is?

I check my e-mail, and find that my dad had posted beneath a vosizneias.com story on the NYC Marathon some words of encouragement for me. How wonderful!

My breakfast consists of the same items I had for dinner, sans pizza and macaroni, and I find myself incredibly fidgety and anxious. As a way of centering myself, I try to do the day’s daf, but I’m so jittery, I get just the first blatt done. Good enough for today.

I finish loading up my goody-bag, consisting of a couple of fruits, a bagel and a granola bar, and there’s a knock at the door. It’s a running colleague from Chicago, in town and staying over at his brother, who’ll be hitching a ride with me today to buses waiting for us at the Meadowlands. We exit together and wait for our ride, which is on time. In the car is another running friend from the neighborhood. Our designated driver is another friend and veteran of the Comrades Marathon.

We arrive at the Meadowlands and get dropped off and as we all head towards the waiting bus, I feel there’s something wrong. Historically, signage here has been miserable, and these are the consequences: There’s only one bus here and hundreds of runners are waiting around and nobody’s boarding. I’m used to a wall of rumbling buses swallowing runner after runner and taking off. I walk over to the bus and ask the driver if he’s here for the Marathon. No, he replies, he’s resting from a trip from Canada and he doesn’t know why all these runners are gathered in front of him. Uh oh, plan B.

The three of us stop a car with two girls inside, and tell them our plight. They have just dropped off their friend in the right place, two miles away, and we ask if they wouldn’t mind doing the same for us just one more time. They get us there and I hurry over to a lady with a walkie-talkie and have the following conversation:

Me: “Good morning, hi, I gotta tell ya, you’ve got a lot of runners waiting in the wrong place and they need to be picked up.”
Walkie lady: “Oh, ok, should I send over a bus?”
Me: “Uh, no, you’re going to have to send over at least ten buses. There are now hundreds of people there!”
Walkie lady: “Oh my gosh.”

Having settled that, I head toward the bus with my group and notice the one item I’m missing. After having made all the careful preparations, I had forgotten my timing tag. This is needed to record my time and track me throughout the race. Uh oh, there’s no heading back home now. I spend the whole bus ride stressed out, hoping Road Runners has a contingency plan for me. I mean, they have to, right?

3 hours to showtime: We arrive at the start and go through security. I escort my friends to the marathon minyan and head out in search of a way to get me a new tag. After asking enough questions of enough people, I’m pointed to a single bus where problems like this are taken care of. They take care of me – Pshew! – but the bus is outside of the staging area, and I have to go through security one more time before settling all my angst.

I rejoin my friends, meet up with some TeamOhel members, serve as tour guide for others, daven with the minyan – which is so packed, that for the first time, they have two minyanim! – wish everyone G-dspeed and head off to my corral. I find an abandoned cabinet with cardboard lined in it and have a seat, where I close my eyes and relax, envisioning the experience ahead of me, my family along the way, my wife and kiddies, the finish line and meditate on mental pain management tactics. I am finally serene after all the hullabaloo.

Showtime: I run up to the start line – relaxed and not anxious - but I’m terribly excited. “G-d bless America” is sung and Sinatra sings “New York, New York” and I’m over the start line within one minute. Cool.

Suddenly, I have a headache and I’m a bit queasy in the stomach, and the Yetzer Horah on my left shoulder says to me, “What are you doing here? You’re not feeling well. Why are you doing this again? Quit and go home” and I flick him away. I breathe in and re-visualize my purpose and my goals and the headache and stomachache dissipate.

Mile 1: I clear it in 10:33. Whoa. This may be the fastest I’ve ever done the first mile. I text my wife that I’ve hit mile one, as I will do along the course at each mile. In turn, she will give me much-needed and much-appreciated chizuk and keep me apprised as to what the kiddies are up to (making me signs, asking where I am on TV, etc.). To my right I can see Sea Gate, where my sister lives. It’s about 4-5 miles away. Maybe I’ll have her send up a flare in the coming years so I can spot her. Overhead, two Chinook helicopters cross the Verrazano. Chinooks are cool.

Mile 2: I do it in 9:33. Way too fast, but it was because of the downhill, and my body has acclimated to downhill running, so I am not concerned. At the foot of the bridge, male runners are answering the call of nature – onto cars driving under the bridge below! Come on people, a little discretion!

Mile 3: We start encountering the Brooklyn denizens, and for this year I decide to take in more of the experience. I’d give more high fives and kibbitz with my fellow runners along the course instead of existing inside my own head. I let go of all the mental time calculations and begin to relax and enjoy. People start calling out my name and brand me interesting names as a result of my T-shirt. (Jewish Superman, SuperHebrew, SuperJew, SuperJewman, SuperIsrael, etc.).

Mile 3.4: I see a man on the sidelines cheering on the runners. He’s wearing speedos and has quads that could crush mountains. I holler that he should be down here with us. He says not today. More on this person later.

Mile 4: I’m feeling good and I’m flying and I’m enjoying Brooklyn. I do the last mile in 9:20 and I realize I have to slow down or I’m going to have a disaster. I dial it back a few clicks and relax again into a comfortable pace. I realize I’m so exhilarated that I’m running as fast as possible without pace, to my detriment. Guess I do have to concentrate on running a little bit.

Mile 4.7: My first family stop. My mom, Aba, three of my sisters, my niece, our family friends Laby and Charlie and several TeamOhel representatives (did I get everyone?) welcome me. There’s such a blur of people that I can’t properly focus. People are asking me questions I can’t hear. Somebody’s asking me about my website. Somebody thrusts a bag of jelly beans in my hands. Jelly beans? Somebody gives me a bag of food. I grab some nectarines, swallow down some Powerade and take a salt bagel with me for the road. I give out kisses, pose for photos and I’m on my way.

Mile 4.8. I feel the urge to spit. I do so with the proper runner’s protocol: directly in front of you and down. It’s red. I’m shocked to see I might be bleeding from my mouth, but I then realize, oh, it was red Powerade. The activity in the pit-stop was so busy, I didn’t register the color of the drink that was given to me. I swallow down the jelly beans. Yum!

Mile 5: I’m feeling better with every passing mile. That split-second of doubt on the bridge is long gone. I’ve settled into a 9:45-10:00 pace and I’m enjoying the crowd, with some incredibly funny signs too crass to mention here. E-mail me for the funniest of them if you’re not a prude.

Mile 5.5: I pass a man about whom I had just read an article in Runner’s World magazine. He is United States Marine Steve Zeier, and he’s running with a 50-pound rucksack in honor of his friends who have died in Iraq. I know that he has almost no nerves left in his left leg due to an IED, and he will probably have it amputated in the near future. The man is filled with guts. I clap him on the back and say, “Hoo-ha!” I get a “Hoo-ha!” back.

Mile 6: More euphoria. All systems are working. My blister is properly wrapped and is holding. My pace is steady and my hydration is proper. A man is holding up candy bars in the spot where I usually get some bananas. I see a Snickers bar and the big fat hechsher it didn’t have a few years ago (thank you, OU!). I say “Trick-or-treat!”, grab it and swallow it down.

Mile 7: More of the same as with mile 6. Nice and steady. Everything’s working. Everything’s intact.

Mile 7.9. I notice somebody that looks familiar. It’s the man with the quads. My pledge to engage the crowd has paid off in an interesting way. Several times along the course, I will spot people I’ve seen earlier in the course. I find it fascinating that amongst a crowd of two million people, I can recognize some I don’t even know and have “met” for less than a second.

Mile 8: It is here that construction around the Brooklyn Academy of music was supposed to force a course change. I was looking forward to the new intricacies. There is no construction, so there’s no course change. Ah well.

Mile 8.4: The high school band that plays “Gonna Fly Now” from Rocky is doing their thing. I learned from reading A Run Like no Other, by Liz Robbins, that they play this over and over and over for hours on end. Sensational for runners passing by, but how can it not be grating for them and anyone listening in the vicinity? For hours!

Mile 9: A great downhill, shooting past an awesome gospel choir before the turn onto Bedford Avenue. Suddenly, I feel a blister sensation on the outside of my right foot. What is this? I never had any discomfort here all season. What gives? Oh no!

Mile 9.8: Williamsburg is dead today. Dead. The Chasidim are paying less attention to us than usual, if that is even possible. Children aren’t even handing out candies as they sometimes do. A runner next to me yells “Shalom!” to the sidelines. I tell her, “Nice try.”

Mile 10: I meet my dad, mum and two sisters, take photos, show my dad the quote on my back, thank him for his post this morning and get a promise that he’ll join me in the marathon next year, give out hugs and kisses, get a swig of Powerade, a bagel and off I go and my right-foot blister is bothering me.

Mile 10.6: I meet some chasidish cousins of mine (I have a lot of them, 60+ first cousins in all, but they’re the only ones that come out to say hi), exchange quick niceties and carry on.

Mile 10.8: The Twizzlers man is back! Woohoo! Great to see him after missing him last year! I thank him profusely and ask him to please remain a mainstay. It’s a delicious quick snack at this point in the race.

Mile 11: My blister is really troubling me, and I haven’t stopped into a medical tent because I’m in denial, not understanding how this could be and what the causes are. However, I did send last minute tips to my TeamOhel compatriots and among them was a caution to pull in to the very next medical tent should they encounter any blister trouble. The time spent patching it up would save hobbling time later on the course.

Mile 11.9: I head my advice and roll into a medical tent. A medic is standing there and asks “How can I help?” As I scoot past him, I say, “Got my own supplies!” and zoom into the tent. I fling off my right glove, sneaker and sock, yank a blister guard out of my utility pouch, cover the blister nicely, yank on my sock, sneaker and glove, and I’m on my way, happy to have listened to my own advice.

Mile 12: I’m stilling holding my 9:45-10:00 pace and besides for my blister, everything else is still good to go. I’m running a really good race.

Mile 13: I approach the Pulaski bridge in good condition, the ascent doesn’t bother my legs much. My muscles are working properly.

Mile 13.1. Halfway home! I check the clock. I’ve hit this point at 2:13:25, a PR at this distance for this year. Doubling that would be 4:26:50, which would be my 2nd fastest time ever, but this is unrealistic. For the average runner, convention is to double your half-marathon time and add 20 minutes. Realizing there was no PR this year, and that my injuries didn’t allow me to train properly, I am more than happy just to finish while running. So I relax and carry on, come what may.

Mile 13.7: The Chabad of Long Island Powerade stop is back! Last year they ran out of supplies too quickly and abandoned their post. This year they stocked up better. I pull in, thank them, swallow down some good gulps and off I go.

Mile 14: I glimpse the Queensboro Bridge in the distance, but it does not intimidate me any more like it used to. I have managed to conquer it with hill-training, a slow-steady pace on the approach, and any mantra that works. I’m up to the challenge.

Mile 14.6: I hit the foot of the bridge and begin the ascent into the blackness, head down, putting one foot in front of the other nice and easy. I’m gonna make it over again, yes I am, but the blister that I’ve wrapped pre-race and the one I wrapped mid-race are bothering me now.

Mile 15: The blister pain flares up no me, and I’m shocked out of proper stride, and I tweak both hips in the process. Not enough to hurt me now, but enough to hurt me later.

Mile 15.2: This is the distance of the longest run I’ve managed to do this year, and is a proper time to take inventory of my physiology. As I’m about to do that, I spot two TeamOhel members ahead of me and run up to greet them. I give them my inventory, which is two blisters causing hip pain. Everything else is solid. They’ve got good strides and it motivates me to pass them, but as the blister pain kicks in, they pass me.

Mile 15.8: I reach into my pouch and have my first salt-packet. This is to prevent a condition known as hyponaetremia, which is a low sodium level in the body. It’s water intoxication. Meaning, you can drown while running if you take too much water and not enough salt. I have no intention of allowing that to happen to me.

Mile 16: As I’m coming off the Queensboro Bridge, I get shoved rudely by a German runner. How do I know he’s German? Because it says “Deutschland” on his t-shirt, that’s how. I realize that I’m surrounded by a pod of German runners with the same t-shirt, and I get shoved out of the way because I’m ruining their photo-op. As you may recall, I’ve had problems with Germans before, and as with last time, I have no time to spoil for a fight. Bygones, but one more time this happens and there’s going to be trouble. It’s like when a star baseball player gets hit by too many pitches in too short a span of time. The first two may be accidents and may be forgiveable, but again? Come on already. Enough is enough.

Mile 16.2: Bathroom break. There’s more porta-potties along the course this year and hundreds more were at the staging area. This is a great improvement over year’s past. It’s nice to keep my dignity intact in this way.

Mile 16.5: I pass Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. I have had friends who have emerged from there to rejoin the living and I have had others who have not. I say a kapitel tehillim for those on the inside and carry on.

Mile 17: I’m trying to meditate away my blister pain. This works for muscle pain, in my experience, but doesn’t work so well for blisters. This is so annoying. When I’ve got a proper stride going, my hips don’t hurt, but these blisters are constantly aggravating me. No fair, everything else is working!

Mile 17.7: I meet my brother-in-law and my nephew, stay for a minute to schmooze, have some Powerade, grab a bagel, tussle my nephew’s hat and away I go.

Mile 18: I have somehow managed to bring my blister pain under control. I use a trick I’ve used for a long time, the Buddhist mantra of “Body here, pain elsewhere.” It works, at least it does for me. I visualize the pain moving away from me to the sides and away, leaving my body free of the agony. So long as I hold this image and repeat the mantra, it can work, and it’s working now.

Mile 19: I am having continued success with my pain management, and I pick up a bit of speed down 1st avenue. I am able to ascend the ramp of the Willis Avenue Bridge into the Bronx with relative ease. Before I exit the bridge, I meet up with another TeamOhel member, and we chit-chat for a bit before I have to excuse myself once again to use the facilities.

Mile 20: I’m feeling a bit heavy in the legs and gravity starts to have more of an effect on me. The blister pain starts flaring up again, and my hips start in again. I’m out of stride because of this heavy feeling, which is why my hips are now barking.

Mile 21: I glance to my right and see the home of the 2009 World Champion Yankees (You know it, dawg!) and land in Manhattan. I’m suddenly overwhelmed with a desire to see my wife and kiddies. Visions of them dance in my head until I meet them.

Mile 21.2: My left calf gives me a tug. Gravity has been pulling me down and now it gives my calf a gentle yank (if there is such a thing). Quickly, I envision a small tear and I visualize the proteins I’ve eaten via my fish consumption rushing in to knit the damaged area. I have no idea if these visual techniques work for others, and I have no idea if they sound hokey and campy at all, but it works for me, and that’s all that concerns me.

Mile 21.7: Gravity attacks my left quad. As with my calf pain-management, I do the same for this case. It works, the pain subsides, but the blister-pain does not. The blister-pain is all-consuming and I cannot will it away.

Mile 22: It’s taking me longer to run out of the water stops. I’m so heavy. I feel like I’m carrying a backpack filled with stones. I see a little kid dressed in a Flash costume. I ask him if we’re gonna save the world today. He says, “Yeah, Superman!”, and that catapults me towards my family.

Mile 22.5: My wife and kiddies! Woohoo! My son is wearing a t-shirt that says “My daddy is faster than yours” and he’s delighted to see me. My daughter has suddenly become shy. My wife is beaming. TeamOhel is there and snaps photos and thrusts more jelly beans into my hand. I swallow some Powerade, grab a bagel-bite, give hugs and kisses all around, and continue on my journey, energized.

Mile 23: I am now five million pounds and I can’t get run out of the water stops anymore. I walk out and try to get myself running, but it doesn’t work, I can’t pick up my legs. I get a pat on the back, and aha! Motivation! So I pick up my legs and step over step, step over step (two points if you get that reference), I manage to get back to running

Mile 24: I am now experiencing the gravity of Jupiter. However, I am not stopping in between water stops. The running continues. I only stop to take water and then I’m unable to pick my legs up and into a running stride unless I get encouragement. At this water stop, the first clap on my back doesn’t budge me an inch, but a man comes up from behind on the right and says, “I wore that exact quote for the first two marathons I’ve run. Heckuva pick-me-up!” My legs start working, and I get another clap on the left, and I’m off and running again and my blisters are howling.

Mile 24.7: There’s a female runner ahead of me and on her back she has a sign that says, “I said to cancer, you, cancer. I beat the out of you cancer, you .” I run up to her and say, “Best. Bib. Ever.” She smiles and says, “Oh, thank you so much, thank you so much.”

Mile 24.9: A man passes me who’s juggling three baseballs. I repeat, a man passes me who’s juggling three baseballs.

Mile 25: The gravitational pull of the earth is now so fierce, I fear I’m about to collapse into a black hole. I can’t move out of the water stop. I get one, two, three claps on my back and I can’t pick up my legs. I grimace in pain, walk close to the sidelines and several people start getting in my face, yelling at me to get going again. They’re actually angry with me! One guy gets in my face, and says “Moooooooooooove!” Yes sir! That’s my motivation!

Mile 25.7. I look up, there’s a sign that says, “1/2 mile to go.” Ohmigosh, am I almost there? Am I about to do it again? Yes I am! Yes I am, indeed! I enter Central Park where the signs start coming up saying 400 yards to go, 200 yards to go. I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna do it.

Mile 26: I can see the finish line from here. Just like that, the gravity of the earth lets go of me and stops pulling me down and the gravity of the finish line grabs hold of me and pulls me forward. I am hydroplaning over the asphalt of Central Park. Pain is removed from me. I am enveloped in a cocoon of serenity. I close my eyes and let the feeling wash over me. I give thanks and praise the L-rd and I feel alright. I open my eyes and see the finish line beckoning me, and I can hear Phil Rizzutto’s lyrics from “Paradise by the Dashboard Light”: “Here he comes…it’s gonna be close. Here’s the throw, here’s the play at the plate. Holy cow, I think he’s gonna make it!”

Mile 26.2: 4:53:45! I did it. I had endured debilitating injuries, but I changed my diet for the positive, joined a great cause, ran a good tactical race and had run wire-to-wire. I was content and very, very happy. I’ll be back here, November 7, 2010, because hey, this is what I do the first Sunday of every November, and hopefully, I’ll have my dad with me.

Post-race: A finisher asks me if I can still get a pat on the back, because I deserve it. A volunteer asks me how managed to keep my Yarmulka on. I get my medal, my heat blanket, my after photo, my food bag and I begin a mile shuffle out of Central Park. They do this to catch the teeterers and totterers inside the park rather than outside, and the healthy runners are forced to slowly walk past the dazed, the confused, the vomiters and collapsers. It’s a bit disheartening, but it can’t diminish the joy of the accomplishment.

I exit the park and am joined by a fellow TeamOhel member. We walk together to a spot where each of us meets up with our respective families. I hop into the car where my kids bombard me with a million questions, chief of which is why I’m wearing this silver foil.

We head to KD where we pick up my annual junk-food meal (two burger delights, onion rings, French fries, chicken nuggets, a pastry and Kiwi-Strawberry Snapple).

Back home, I take an Epsom-salt bath and lay down on the couch to watch the 2009 World Champion Yankees (Ooh yeah!) clobber the Phillies and take a 3-1 lead in the series. I sleep through most of the game. I’m tired, glad to be home now.

-Martin (Mordechi) Bodek